Remembering Bonny on His Birthday as I walked in Botanic Gardens

Today I spent several hours in Singapore Botanic Gardens remembering those times I spent with Bonny there. We often went there either to have our meals on special days or to walk and have our reflection time when we had extra off days. As I walked through the gardens today, I remembered how he often spotted some special flowers or leaves and pointed out to me the amazing features he discovered--like those amazing leaf veins patterns.
He often marvelled at all his new discoveries with such a child-like excitement and pride that made him such a real and authentic person. I could not count the number of times he made me laughed with joy and pride at his child-like remarks and perpectives on things. Bonny helped me understand what Jesus said in Matthew 18:3-4: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

Bonny’s 50th Birthday, 19 March 2006

19th March is Bonny’s birthday. This is a picture of his 50th birthday celebration at our home with the Khalil family.
When we first got married, he was not so used to celebrating birthday because he came from a family where celebrating birthday was not a family culture. However, I came from a family where birthday celebrations are very important. So over the years, birthday celebrations became part of his life especially his own birthday. He would remind me way ahead of time so that I had enough time to buy him the present he hinted to me. At first, he preferred just the two of us celebrating his birthday by going out for a nice meal and receiving his present. Then after he helped some ladies to organise a surprise birthday party for me in 2004, he had wished for a surprise birthday party for himself--a wish which I did not fulfil for him. When he left me for heaven, one of my regrets is not making effort to organise a surprise birthday party for him. I know that Bonny would not like me to live in regrets because he loved me very much and I suppose he still do for love never ceases.

Two Years Have Gone By...

It was an excruciatingly painful day two year ago at this very day and hour that I parted with my beloved Bonny as he was ushered into his eternal home with the lover of our souls, Jesus.
Time may wipe out many things but not all the sweet and wonderful memories of those happy days that I shared with Bonny. His attractive face, his brilliant charming smiles, his strong assuring voice, his smell of masculine fragrance, his warm gentle touch and his spontaneous humour are still so vivid and real as if he just left me yesterday.
I spent some moments these few days walking through the last few days I shared with Bonny. The sorrow and pain brought by these memories could only be soothed by the love and comfort of God.
During the Lord’s Supper this morning at church, God reminded me He understood how I was feeling. He said that He was bearing my griefs and carrying my sorrows through Isa. 53:4a “Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried;….” Very strangely too, the worship team this morning suddenly led just one stanza of “In Christ Alone” by Brian Littrell, a song that we sang at Bonny’s funeral when his casket was wheeled towards the door for cremation. It was as though God knew exactly how I felt this morning and reminded me that this is what Bonny believes in and this is how he feels and what he is singing that “In Christ alone, I place my trust and find my glory in the power of the cross. In every victory, let it be said of me, My source of strength, My source of hope is Christ alone.” I want to continue a life which I can echo what Bonny would sing—that my source and strength and hope is Christ alone.
These few days of remembering those last days of his life not only brought a lot of sorrows, I could not help but struggled with regrets and guilt of the many “if only…”s and “what if…”s. Sustained by God’s grace and His word, I surrender these struggles as I allow God to remind me that Bonny is resting with peace and dancing with joy just as Isa 57:1-2 say, “The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” Also the ever comforting word from John of the Cross sustained me, “Death can hold no bitterness for the soul that loves…. There is no sadness in the thought of death when it opens the door to all joy. Nor can it be painful and oppressive when it is the end of all unhappiness and sorrow and the beginning of all good.” I shall then guard my heart from bitterness and oppressive regrets and let it be filled with God’s love, peace and joy till I meet my Saviour and my beloved Bonny face to face.

The Christmas Tree--a significant feature in our lives

It is the time of the year to take down the Christmas tree. We bought our Christmas tree when we moved into our present home in December 1998. Setting up the tree and taking it down were part of our ending of the year and beginning of the year activities. We set a goal to get different Christmas ornaments for the tree from different places that we travelled to in December. Though it has been difficult for me to set up and take down the tree alone by myself these past two years, I just count my blessings for the many wonderful Christmases that we shared together. I suppose everyday is Christmas in Heaven where the love, joy and peace is experienced at all time.

Remembering the Day I was united with Bonny 16 years ago

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will praise Your name; for You have worked wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness" Isa. 25:1. A verse on my wedding bulletin 16 years ago on 16th Dec 1995. Tho my beloved has left for a better place to be with the Faithful One, the verse continues to stand true. He is faithful! I will exalt You and praise Your name!
Taking time off today at Botanic Garden to count my many blessings, looking through our wedding pictures and thanking God for every precious moments with Bonny that God has so graciously blessed me--moments of incredible love, tremendous joy, unbelievable strength and encouragement, unwavering faith and trust. God's unfailing love and faithfullness allowed us to enjoy so many moments of victories and success, and also many challenging times and struggles. Through it all, He plans all things with perfect faithfullness!

Remembering Bonny at Malacca

Updating this blog while on a short break at Malacca with the Pang Family. We were at the Red Clock Tower this morning and remembering the time Bonny came with me for the Church Chinese Camp in December 2008. My mum reminded me of a picture he took with her at the Red Clock Tower. This is the picture taken on 7 Dec. 2008. Though he may have gone before us to that happy land with our loving Father, his bright cheerful smiles and joyous character remain forever in our hearts.

A restful Bonny by the sea at Cebu, 25th April 2005

This picture was taken at Cebu when Bonny and I visited his brother, Richard, and his family. I have set it as my desktop background. Every time I use my laptop, this picture serves as a reminder to me of how restful and peaceful he was and he is right now. Looking at him grinning at me in his picture, I could almost hear him telling me not to be sad or worry about him and that he is now very happy in heaven--resting and trouble free. It is as if he is waiting with a smile for me to join him some day when my work on earth is done.